|Series:||Xena: Warrior Princess (1995)|
|Broadcast:||10 May 1999|
|Previous Story:||Lyre Lyre, Hearts on Fire|
|Following Story:||God Fearing Child|
Gabrielle, via voice over, tries to write her scrolls, but she is not getting anywhere. It is night, she is in her pajamas, and she makes airplanes out of her paper occasionally. Seems writer's block has become a major irritant to the bard.
Aphrodite pops in and wants to know what the problem is. Seems Gabrielle and Xena have bedded down in her temple. Gabrielle tells Aphrodite not to wake up Xena. Aphrodite pouts a bit when Gabrielle asks her why she is there. Aphrodite says she's immortal, she's got a lot of time on her hands. Gabrielle shows Aphrodite her scrolls. She says she doesn't know why she stopped writing, but she did, and now something tells her she should be writing again, but she can't do it. Aphrodite says so hey, tell me about your day today. Gabrielle begins to recall the day.
Xena, Joxer and Gabrielle were traveling along, trying to think up names for the baby. Joxer says he hopes the baby is a boy. They get into a discussion about Xena's moods and how hungry and cranky she is all the time. Xena says she never gets cranky. She asks Joxer to verify this. Joxer remembers all of these times, via clip shots, when Xena was cranky with him. But he says Xena has never been cranky. Xena says Gabrielle is patronizing her. Xena and Gabrielle make a bet that Xena can't not be cranky for day. The bet involves housekeeping and backrubs. Xena tells Gabrielle to take give Argo a bath when she takes the horses to the river. Xena and Joxer are going into town to eat. Gabrielle takes the horses to the river. She puts water on Argo, and Argo shrinks down into a miniature pony.
Gabrielle and Aphrodite talk some more. Aphrodite pretends to be a psychoanalyst. She spouts a lot of big words. Gabrielle continues her story. While she's looking at the shrunken Argo, a God materializes out of the water. He is Lachrymose, God of Despair. The God says Gabrielle used his water to wash the horse, and that's why the horse shrank. Gabrielle says hey, this is Xena's horse, and the God says too bad. The God has never laughed in his whole life. Gabrielle says she could make him laugh. They make a deal. If Gabrielle makes the god laugh, he'll make Argo big again. Gabrielle tells Lachrymose not to underestimate her; that is what Xena does. Gabrielle starts telling stories. Clips from ISAIH, where the rabbit attacks Gabrielle. Gabrielle's story does not get a laugh from Lachrymose.
Xena and Joxer eat. A baby cries a lot. Xena looks at the baby and scares it mute. Xena remembers stuff from Cradle of Hope (clips). Joxer says her methods of mothering are unorthodox, but they are full of love and concern. Gabrielle tells another story to the god. Clips from Comedy of Eros. The God doesn't laugh. Gabrielle tells more stories. Clips of slapstick things. Then clips of "action," i.e., Indrajit, etc. Then romantic comedy clips. A return to the present, where Gabrielle and Aphrodite discuss sex appeal, more clips.
Gabrielle and Aphrodite go into slumber party mode, complete with bubbles and pink nighties. Aphrodite asks Gabrielle if story telling isn't like writing. Gabrielle says it is and isn't. Writing is more like talking to yourself and trying to figure things out, but she knows who she is now. Aphrodite says well, then why write? Gabrielle says its a need to express yourself. Aphrodite compares her writing to accessorizing clothes. Gabrielle says she and Xena are best friends. But she stalled and couldn't go tell Xena she shrunk Argo.
Xena and Joxer want to leave the tavern, but they don't have any money. They get up to leave anyway. They run into a drunken brother of some warlord Xena offed or put in jail; Xena knocks him over. Gabrielle comes in the tavern. She tells Xena and Joxer to go get some supplies. Gabrielle goes back to the river, but Argo has escaped and is gone.
Gabrielle and Aphrodite talk some more. Gabrielle explains to Aphrodite, via more clips, how important Argo is to Xena. Aphrodite takes a bath because of all the talk about animals. Animals make her feel like taking a bath. She smells like white chocolate. Gabrielle says she went to look for the horse.
Joxer and Xena shop. Argo walks around the town. Gabrielle tries to find Argo. Xena and the warlord's brother fight over a bag of wheat. Xena knocks him out. Xena tells Joxer that her kid is going to encounter strange things. Clips of Titans, giants, and blind cyclops. Joxer says yeah, also, dryads (more clips), harpies (more clips), and bacchae (more clips). Joxer says, oh sure, the kid is going to encounter lots of problems, but the kid has Xena for a mother. Xena hugs Joxer and thanks him.
Gabrielle continues looking for Argo the pony. She finds him. Lachrymose appears. Gabrielle says maybe Lachrymose isn't God enough to return Argo to original Lachrymose shrinks Gabrielle. Argo bolts and nearly stomps Gabrielle, but she calms her down. The God disappears as Gabrielle reigns Argo in. Joxer and Xena shop a little more and talk. Joxer says all pregnant women are cranky. Gabrielle leads Argo. Joxer hugs Xena, and sees a really tiny Gabrielle. He excuses himself and goes after Gabrielle. Joxer calls Gabrielle his new pint- partner. Then he suggests a circus act. Gabrielle asks Joxer to find the god and get her returned to normal.
Joxer goes to the spring and calls for Lachrymose. The god appears. Clips in black and white of chariot races and babies and women getting pierced with arrows as Joxer tells Lachrymose of his pathetic life, which includes his dad getting tanked and running off in the chariot. Joxer sobs.
Aphrodite and Gabrielle talk about Joxer. Gabrielle says Joxer has pulled them through several times. Clips of Joxer falling on his face. Gabrielle says okay, so he hasn't helped them much, but Joxer is a loyal friend.
Joxer and Lachrymose talk some more. Joxer sobs. Xena sleeps, then gets up and goes to the tavern. The warlord's brother appears with a knife, Xena knocks him out. Xena enters the tavern and asks if anyone has seen a guy in a funny hat. There is a convention of funny hat men in the tavern. They are not amused. Xena says fine. Everyone has deserted her, but Argo is always there. She whistles for Argo. Argo is with the little Gabrielle, and the pony bolts, leaving Gabrielle watching Joxer and Lachrymose. Lachrymose sees Gabrielle and starts after her. Gabrielle runs. Joxer says Gabrielle would be easier to find if she were normal and Lachrymose zaps her back to regular Xena sees the shrunken Argo. Clips of Xena turning into monsters and being really angry.
Gabrielle and Joxer go to the tavern. The warlord's brother wakes up again and is quickly dispatched. Xena throws a pie at Joxer and Gabrielle and hits Gabrielle. Joxer throws a pie and hits one of the funny hat men. Everyone starts throwing pies. The whole tavern is full of pie-throwing people. Argo the pony watches. Lachrymose appears and watches. Everyone has pie on them except Xena. Xena knocks a pie from the ceiling so it falls on Lachrymose. Lachrymose laughs. Everyone stops and watches Lachrymose and then everyone laughs. Argo returns to normal
Gabrielle and Aphrodite talk. Gabrielle says she still has writer's block. Aphrodite makes a comment about her inner child. Gabrielle says that since Xena got pregnant, she's had no time to do things that make her happy, like write. She needs to write stuff down so it will help Xena's baby in the future. Gabrielle thanks Aphrodite. She picks up a scroll. Xena sleeps. Gabrielle starts writing
And so the day ended. Xena, Gabrielle and Joxer travel. Xena says she has no cooking or chores now for a month and she'll get plenty of backrubs because she was never cranky. A pie comes from nowhere and hits Xena in the face. They all walk off, with laughter sounding suspiciously like the God Lachrymose in the distance.